the truth behind the ads

the importance of parachutes

A successful transition to retirement entails a drastic change in one’s thinking...all of a sudden the goal posts have been moved radically....the rule book has been re-written...all bets are off......the brain has to be rewired...entire thinking software systems have to be updated, & perhaps some mental hard-drives have to be replaced...radical stuff......

The passing-thru of life-stages up until this point have been progressive. Retirement often entails a sudden, abrupt, brutal reality check. One of the most difficult aspects of this new deal is that you are on your own.....crowds of relatives, chums,and hangers-on attended and celebrated with you on your 21st birthday, your wedding, funerals, promotions, birthdays, and Christmases.

This time you are doing it alone No-one cares. It’s like pissing in black pants - you know something has happened, but no-one else notices.

Overnight the phone stops, the emails stop, no-one comes to the door. You are likely to find yourself excluded from all the activities and networks you relied upon in your work incarnation. In the words of Ken Kesey - you got off the bus. Many people are pushed off the bus. In the middle of nowhere. Without you the bus continues on in a cloud of dust - rocking with music, as empty bottles, condoms, and roach ends fly from the windows. No-one looks back. It as if you are left standing there in the middle of a featureless, unfamiliar desert with no map, food, no water, no possessions and no direction.

What complicates this issue is that fact that a lifetime of work has conditioned most of us into certain ways of thinking...our working lives are largely structured around routines. These structures suddenly disappear overnight. We are left rudderless, directionless, purposeless.

In the words of a Sufi sage: “Our lives begin in institutions where others have gone before. Eventually we encounter the trackless wastes. At this point we must become our own scout”.

Change your thinking and you change your world.

Remember: the mind is like a parachute - it only works when its open!!

still fit for purpose

For those of us born around the middle of the last century, it can be rather amusing to observe over the passing decades how certain theories come and go. How panels of “experts” laud one theory, assuring the public that solid inconvertable scientific evidence backs up that product X is bad for you/society/the planet...only for completely contrary ‘validated’ (read purchased) scientific evidence to emerge a few years later repudiating the previous stance.

Sadly we cynics perceive this pattern as a purely commercial one - “buy cigarettes - they’re good for you...as recommended by doctors” (remember these ads?).....”dispose of your old ‘fridge - buy a new one which is CFC free and help protect the ozone layer” - now scientists say that the hole in the ozone layer helps heat escape, reducing the effect of global warming (!?).

And so it goes: beef bad/beef good...butter bad/butter good...coffee bad/coffee good...margarine good/margarine bad...carbohydrates good/carbohydrates bad...

Here’s a specific example - the Canadian airforce’s 5BX exercise programme. This simple regime was introduced long ago last century to maintain the fitness of Canadian flying crew. It is very effective, basic, and DIY - no expensive gyms, weights, or supplements required, just plain old-fashioned physical exercise (which is probably why it fell from favour as fitness became an industry in the ’80‘s, morphing in to the diet industry a little later - but that’s another story).

Recently 5BX has made a come-back, with media articles now praising the regime for its simplicity and effectiveness. Evidently the “latest scientific evidence” shows that the likes of this brief but intense workout are ideal for maintaining a good level of fitness.

I dug out my old copy of the book - it pays to keep things in case they may be useful later!

death and vulures

From “Daniel Boone - A Biography” by Robert Morgan

Here is Morgan’s description of death and dying in Western culture in the past which I found both touching and thought-provoking:
In the nineteenth century people talked about a ‘beautiful death.’ It was as though one's death was a work of art, something to be crafted, an achievement. Deaths were described and critiqued, commented on, compared to others’, and admired. A beautiful death was one's final accomplishment.

Before the age of retirement homes, hospitals and nursing homes, the old died at home...children and grandchildren, friends and cousins gathered around in a death vigil.... the old felt death coming on, and recognized it....perhaps even welcomed it. People gathered in the bedroom and said their farewells, and the one dying had his or her final say. There were kisses and hugs and sharing of memories. Quarrels and grudges were resolved, grievances aired, forgiveness offered and received. Final requests were made. There were prayers and hymn singing. The person passing might describe the sensations of dying, the gathering of stillness and ease, the feeling of weightlessness and coolness....sometimes they heard music or saw a light in the form of an angel. Sometimes family members saw a dove or other bird perch at a window...

In 1817, aged 73, American pioneer Daniel Boone ordered a coffin of cherry wood, which was prepared and placed under his bed...The cherry coffin was a handsome piece of work, and the old man took pleasure in showing it off...from time to time Boone would take it out to admire and study...he would ‘rub and polish it up, and cooly whistle while doing so’ .... he would lie down in the coffin to show how well it fitted him, and sometimes he would take a nap in it, scaring the children. His coffin was the finest that could be had, and he was determined to enjoy his treasure and to be seen enjoying it.

No doubt Boone took comfort in making death so familiar. He had witnessed the often-violent passing of many compatriots and family members. The box he would later rest in was right here now, and he could dust it and rub it with oil. His hands had never been idle, and he was a fine craftsman - having made and repaired many functional items on the frontier, as well as carving and decorating beautiful powder horns for his grandchildren. Daniel Boone was a consummate craftsman, and as such he was determined to make his last days a work of art.

In modern times most people die in hospitals or hospices, often far from family and home. Usually the old have been isolated for years in nursing homes and hospitals, in a cold and sterilized world run by professionals. Death in western society is hidden away...

Sadly today we are too distracted [read ‘screwed’] by the persistent and invasive commercial demands of Apple/Google/instagram/facebook/Samsung/Twitter to be able to give any thought to living an adventuresome and meaningful life on our own terms.
Meanwhile, we are quietly being groomed for entry to the retirement farms by the vultures who run the nursing homes - where we will be denied the opportunity of dying in such a personal, conscious, and dignified fashion as this old-timer.

wisdom from route 66

I have been reading Billy Connolly’s book on his Route 66 road trip in the USA, and came across this observation: “Life is supposed to be fun. It’s not a job or an occupation. We’re only here once and we should have a bit of a laugh.”

Pretty good I thought, and ties in with another way of putting it: “too many guys make the mistake of thinking that their jobs are their lives”. Unfortunately this truth is often not realized until retirement - when the implications and ramifications hit you like a ton of bricks.

We see guys everyday coming into our community shed looking like stunned mullets. One of them said to me the last year: "I feel like I'm looking down the barrel of a gun".  Since then he's been coming along regularly and pitching in with community projects, enjoying the banter and the cameraderie. He said to me the other day: "Thank Christ for the Shed - it pretty much saved my life".

I replied: "Welcome to the club, mate, I feel the same way."

sage advice

“Computers are stupid - they only give you answers” - Picasso.

But are even the answers the web provides up to the mark?

In this busy world with people so isolated from each other (texting, facebook and twitter are not means of true communication) finding personal answers can be a real problem for people, young people especially, as many of them have never learned to hold a conversation, much less ask for advice face-to-face.

They may well never be able to tap into the vast wealth of experience of other (older) members of their society. The grey hairs make us retirees invisible - remember?

This topic presented itself to me just the other day. For some time I have been dealing with a problem which I cannot solve, a situation for which I can find no resolution; emailing, texting, even face-to-face conversations re the issue have not resolved things.

Over a quiet beer the other evening I heard in my head the voice of an uncle of mine “Son, you have to learn that sometimes you just have to walk away.....sometimes there’s nothing you can do....some things you can’t fix....sometimes people just won’t listen.....you have to know when to quit.....it might dent your pride for now, but later you will be glad that you were strong....”

He was right.You have to know when to walk away:
- from a relationship
- from a bad business deal
- from an unsatisfactory job
- from a debt
- from a fight
- & hardest of all - from a grave

Hey! There’s even a great Kenny Rogers song about this:

retirement as loss

Retirement as Loss - and the effects thereof

“Retirement can present us with the hardest challenge of our lives - we loose that which has defined us, as well as our purpose, drive and meaning” - this is how author Derek Milne sums up the pitfalls of retirement in his book The Psychology of Retirement.
Milne describes retirement as “..too often a surprisingly stressful life event, for which many individuals are unprepared.”

I read this book recently whilst on a recent extended trip to the USA, and had plenty of time to think about some of the points covered on the long flight home. The transition to retirement is generally experienced as a grief process because of the loss of a long list of things which have hitherto provided us with “our purpose, drive and meaning”.

Here are some of the things I have identified which we (males) are likely to loose in and/or around our retirement years: hair, vision, teeth, hearing, libido, sex appeal, memory, power, control, influence - our “voice”, balance, stamina, health, cameraderie, income, flexibility, reflexes, stimulation, identity, self esteem, fun, sense of place in the world, support networks, respect, motivation, sense of belonging, goals, friends, family (parents, uncles, aunts, siblings, children, spouse), company, focus, a sense of mattering, a sense of life direction, social interaction, a role in society, a positive future outlook, things to believe in and belong to, one’s spirit.

Given all this, many retirees run out of reasons to simply get out of bed in the morning. Depression may set in, and at this stage we are in danger of loosing any sense of hope - losing hope is the most significant loss of all, as it signifies the loss of will to live.

Research into mental states shows that when people who are depressed loose hope they have reached the point when they are likely to commit suicide: their spirit has finally been overwhelmingly and fatally crushed.

My chum Norm summed it up very well: “This retirement lark isn’t what it’s cracked up to be”.

This blog will explore ways of finding our way back to some sense of belonging in the world, and indeed of even mattering to it once again - but in a more personally meaningful way than being a mere breadwinner.